Advent day 1.
A season of waiting and expectation. A word from Old English via Latin: “adventus ‘arrival’, from advenire, from ad- ‘to’ + venire ‘come’.” Merriam-Webster.
IT’S COMING.
What do I do if my emotions aren’t in line with the secular – no big thing – or the spiritual this year?
I already know shopping doesn’t work. Do I do a bunch of Christmas song calisthenics, try to chin up my sense of wonder? Maybe jump around to jiggle my joy loose? Perhaps with the puppies, who have discovered that, even better than being their own sock footed whirling dervishes on the kitchen tile floor, we can link hands as a family and spin until someone collapses. It does spark joy, and a little bit of nausea, which is pretty accurate, this melange in my gut that I have come to know as the Christmas spirit.
I already know the wanton destruction of the planet means my children and their children may never see a White Christmas. I’m already disgusted with myself when I determine this year we will be truly minimalist with our gift-giving and then I think, oh just one thing more, one small thing more will bring true happiness.
What if I creep into the stable on Christmas morning and there’s no baby in the manger?
A gasp. A sharp intake of breath. Christmas is not the time for doubt, Christmas is for joy and celebration and glad tidings. But life is long and advent begins anew every 340 days. Much of our lives, then, are spent waiting, and, as it would be foolish to teach a child to wait for something good but not address their litany of “what if’s”…perhaps I will be that child this season. What if Christmas…isn’t? What if I’m…not?
Will the god of the universe still hold me?
I skip church to rest from a week of staggered illnesses. Today is not a day for people, or cookies, or easy truths. I’m too cranky for all of these things. In my poofy kneed comfy pants I am rearranging the furniture and listening to Handel’s Messiah, trying to dredge up some sense of belonging to the impending season. Do you know this Messiah?
And the glory
The glory of the lord
AND THE GLORY THE
GLORY OF THE LORD
shall be eeee ree eveal ed
SHALL BE REEEEE EEE
REEE EEEVEALED
Perhaps, for this first Sunday in Advent, that is enough.
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Post 1 of Waiting: An Advent Series.
