Make way! Make way!
Make way for the Christmas poem!
In which we tell you our family’s deeds
so you, in fact, can know ’em
Well, mom has knitted fifteen hats
and dad has got a raise
and when not at work
he is going berserk
on a deck he designed
it’s the best of its kind
he’s been trapped underneath it for days
Grampy scaled several mountain peaks
Mee Maw went with him too
since she has only one of two legs
and insists on breakfasting solely on eggs
it was extra hard to do
Scottie aced Calculus III
and there is no Calculus Four
so we put him in Extra Hard Physics
since his K-5 is right next door
Jenny’s the senior class queen
and Jilly’s the top politician
These charming twin gals
with a cadre of pals
wiped out student government patriarchy
abolished sophomoric mas-cu-line malarkey
and efficiently streamlined their oligarchy
The ladies quite seethe with ambition
Great-grandmother went up to glory
this year we are sad to say
but even her exit
newsworthier than Brexit
was all over the papers next day
The only one who underwhelms
is the youngest of the bunch
his arms are scrawny
all day he’s yawny
And he falls asleep in his lunch
We’re trying to be patient but
his temperament’s rather bleak
He cries a lot, we’re not sure he talks
demands to be carried on outings and walks
and always, always is losing his socks
…oh wait, he was born last week
Our family took eight beach vacations
And won championship games in the rain
Traveled to third world nations
to replace their water mains
Our offspring are awfully smarter
Than even smart children should be
And our adults aren’t really aging
At the rate you’d expect to see
We’d love to hear from your family
In rhyme or even in prose
But if you send a photo
be sure to wear matching clothes
If a letter doesn’t suit you
Perhaps a card will do
You can sit in front of a tree
And dandle young Robertson on your knee
For all the loving world to see
That your family blood’s true blue
And your denims are all the same hue
Hear hear! It’s us!
Our tome is in your mailslot
The one in which we say in rhyme
What we’ve been doing all the time
You haven’t been around us much –
our annual report as such
is designed to prop upon your hutch
with cards and letters too
So make way for our family’s Christmas poem
because only the best will do!